Sunday, June 28, 2015

The power of changing your mind.

I have a few friends with whom I enjoy a perfect disagreement of opinions. We get along fine, in general, but sometimes we close on that ground where my opinion or belief conflicts with theirs.
Mainly, we do not treat this ground as a DMZ. We, rather enthusiastically, wade into debate. I share my points, they share theirs, and then magic happens: we learn.
This is not a natural state of affairs. Nor is it perfect. There are areas where either side won't budge and that, of course is fine, but the idea is to come away having learned something.
In general, we think that our opinions, regardless of how well formed, are correct, at least for us.
And that self assurance also convinces us that other opinions are wrong.
Standing pat on that impasse between friends can rapidly devolve into name calling and hurt feelings and even ruined friendships.
Compromise, on the other had depends entirely on a willingness to be flexible, but may also be insincere or condescending or just as brutal. "I'll believe that, if you believe THIS."
Sincerely held beliefs do not discount other people's beliefs. But a sincere wish to see those beliefs from the other person's perspective does not discount our own.
Learning this, while not easy, is a discipline worthy of cultivating.
Some of my friends and I are at opposite ends of the political spectrum. But we have learned the value of the other's opinions and beliefs and how seeing those opinions from the other's perspective, or at least trying, can have a very beneficial and enlivening effect.
It's not perfect, but it has enhanced our friendships, I think. And we've learned a lot that we wouldn't have if we maintained our stubborn and bullheaded defense of our positions.

No comments:

Post a Comment